Or better yet, one of my favorites, the Tetris mirror. I don't play Tetris much anymore, but back in 1989ish my sister Lorri headed to Concordia College in Moorhead, MN where she was the one freshman Cobber to win the dinosaur apple computer giveaway. When 10-year-old me went to visit her I stayed up until 5 AM setting new Tetris records and then breaking them. I held all 10 high scores. That is, until her cruel friend made it his mission to pillage my crown. Who does that to an innocent chubby-cheeked cherub?! A small part of me hopes that he didn't make it through that frigid 1990 winter.
The Aviator mirrors would have looked hot. Aviators always make me think of Top Gun and Val Kilmer of yesteryear.
But, perhaps the press conference mirror is the only true option. It would be impossible to walk by without giving a short speech acting out whatever fantasy your heart desires at that minute. What would yours be today, Looker? Mine would be:
Good afternoon ladies, gentlemen and the 1993 graduating class of Cobbers. As you take this giant step out into the real world, remember to always park in open spaces near the end of the lot. If not, someone may come and box your car in like the sad bottom layer of a Tetris puzzle. It will leave you weeping with your knees on the hot pavement begging for an 'L' shaped El Camino when all you will be given is square Scions leaving you trapped in for hours. That is all, congratulations.
Clearly, twenty years later, I am over it. Almost.
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