Thursday, December 8, 2011

DIViji: She Was Framed!

It was completely premeditated.  We picked out the pronged blade.  Got spray paint to cover our tracks.  And told Viji's kids that it they ever wanted to make it to their college years that they better keep the lips zipped.

OK, not all of those things are true, but there was some blood on the scene.  

The real crime was the giant speakers on Viji's dining room wall hugging the china cabinet.  I didn't even notice them when the walls were beige. After the cocoa color change, the speakers were as unpleasing as having Justin Bieber music piped directly into your brain 24/7. 

I was just trying to sound cool.  I actually love the Biebs and declare 'Never Say Never' as my anthem for today.  Might even put it on re-pe-pe-pe-pe-peat.  If having Bieber fever is a crime, then I am a dirty, disgusting lawbreaker.

Sorry, the goal for the wall space around the cabinet was:

1. Cover the speakers that never get used.
2. Make a visual bang since it is one of the first things you see when entering the front door.

We bought four Ribba frames from Ikea for the frame cores and decorative molding pieces from Home Depot to add the punch.

Mr. Schatze carefully and meticulously cut the four molding pieces for each frame.  Such precision.  

We matched up the molding segments around the frame, attached them with some hardcore wood glue and then held them into place to dry with one of those fancy strap-on clamp things.  If you don't have one, go to the hardware store and ask for it just like that, fancy strap-on clamp thing.  Throw in some hand gestures too.

After the outer frames were solid we glued them to the Ikea frames.  Mr. Schatze sanded some of the finish off the Ikea frame edges so that the wood would adhere better.  He also sanded the front of the frames so our paint would stick.  What's that?  Did Mr. Schatze do all the work on this project? No.  Just about 90-95% of it.  He is a pro and we are lucky to have him.

It should come as no surprise that we used gold spray paint for the frames.  We should just order it by the case instead of going back to the store for individual cans.  Notice Viji's gloves and new gun handle.  That woman is ready to hit the streets.  Look out Chandler business walls.

Besides spray paint, gold, turquoise and bling, Viji also loves nature.  We picked out some photos that she took in a garden on her last visit to India.  I photoshopped them and we ordered prints from Walgreens.

Inserting the glass back into the frames was a bit more of a challenge than I anticipated. It kept getting caught on the fold over tabs.

My hands said Hey, maybe if you massage the glass in gently with a bit of pressure it would go.

My head said, Don't be stupid.  Glass doesn't massage.

My hands said,  Just a little right there.  Yeah, oh yeah.  That's it.

The glass said, Crack.

My finger said, Ouch! Oh God - blood.  You ignorant ninny. Are you trying to kill me?

FYI- my finger has an English accent.  I hope you used it.

After bandaging, feeling sorry for myself and a small temper tantrum I got the glass in by carefully pulling the frame sides apart.  When that didn't work on one piece, I pulled out a few of the unruly tabs.

The attachments for hanging that come with the frame freak me out so I drilled in holes to put eye hooks and used the included wire.

As we were hanging them, Viji told me that when they were walking through the garden where she took the pictures a monkey started following them.  He wanted her son's juice bottle but her son refused to throw it away or let him have it.  When the family stopped to break and sat down on a bench, the monkey snuck up behind them and slapped the kid on his arm to start a grapple over the tasty treat.  Viji scared him off and they laughed and laughed.

Her story made me realize that we had chosen the perfect pictures for the wall.  Who wouldn't want to be reminded of their melee with a monkey every time they enter the dining room?

When all was said and hung I sat there eating my lunch gazing happily at the new wall decor.  <deep sigh> The beauty of it all made me want to punch a monkey.  Since that crime might actually come with jail time, I clapped giddily to myself instead.

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