Thursday, March 22, 2012

Quarterback for the Pittsburgh Stealers

I've had issues with stealing things. 

I could justify it by saying that most of the time, what I snagged was free-ish or at least inexpensive. But, no matter how you wrap the package, I still took things that didn't belong to me and really didn't need.

When I lived on Main Street in Luverne around age 12, my friends and I stole a potato and a few veggies from a neighbor lady's backyard garden to make a gourmet lunch. The bitty didn't have a fence, so what do you expect.

In my one year of college in Wisconsin, I stole a decorative pineapple from the salad bar in the dining facility. Oh, and then maybe I took a few whole pies back to the dorms too. For sure two lemon meringues. I made friends quickly.

From my time behind the counter at the Days Inn in Tempe, AZ? Small bar soaps, a towel, pens and about 3 inches of butt fat from all the continental breakfast muffins I mooed down. Hey, I was on a college budget!

In 2010, the day my friend Leah got married, I stole her wedding vows.

She had them written out on a small sheet of paper and asked me to take them before she went down the aisle. I had no intention of giving them back.

Months later, after recovering from the wedding cocktails and dance floor fatigue, I attempted to paint the vows for the couple in Leah's handwriting.

I blew up the scanned paper, penciled them lightly on the canvas and tried to follow the flow of her penmanship with paint.

They used chic-tastic little monogram logo on wedding accessories that made it onto the canvas as well.

I put the original copy of the vows somewhere safe so I could return it when I gifted the painting. It totally cancels out the stealing when you return it later.

Yup, I hid it from myself.

I know I will find it someday though. Maybe in time for their silver anniversary. Then, I WILL give it back in order to cancel out the steal.

Not like that TLC CD that I never returned to Leah's sister in high school. I sold that at a garage sale a few years back. There is no canceling that one out.

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