Thursday, January 19, 2012

DIViji: Paint your railings? Nah, buy a new House.

There is sort of a loose format I use when sharing project content with you. 

1. Start something
2. Learn lessons along the way
3. Finish something
4. Share it with you

I'm going to switch it up today and share with you mid-project because I am on the verge of slamming my head into Viji's railings.  These railings:

When Viji went with the dark brown wall color, I really wanted her to paint the railings too.  Bad.  Quotes from the painters were over $800.  The few cans of Annie Sloan paint and wax we would need were closer to $100.  Viji wasn't sold on the idea so I made her a pinterest board to show her how great it can look.

I may have begged a little.

Mr. Schatze voiced his concern when I broke down my project timeline and gave the task of painting Viji's railings one day.  Go ahead.  Get it out of your system. Keep laughing. As a matter of fact some days I DO drink too much and believe that I have super powers.

The point that I am trying to make is that I dove head first into this railing painting quicksand all on my own.

I was so happy when we started. Last year.

But, became slightly nervous when I realized that one coat of white still looked pretty crappy.

I found it in myself to laugh when I talked to Viji about how drinking and painting before bed might not be the best choice for her.

When the second coat of white started going on (the two left spindles) I found a renewed hope and enthusiasm.  I could do this.

But then, evenings at home turned into a broken record.

Mr Schatze:  What did you do today at Viji's?
Me:  Painted the railings.
Me:  Painted the railings.
Me:  Thought about throwing myself over the balcony as I painted the railings.

Mr Schatze:  How many spindles do you have left?
Me:  I don't know. I refuse to count them until it is over because it might make me cry.
Mr Schatze:  So how did you make a timeline on how long this was going to take?
Me:  I just wanted to paint the railings! Don't act like this surprises you!
Mr Schatze:  <with a slow head shake> Oh, Heidi.
5 second pause
Mr Schatze:  So what are you going to do tomorrow at Viji's?
Me:  Too soon, my love. Too soon.

In the beginning I looked forward to the peace and tranquility of painting. It was meditative. Closer to Christmas I found myself needing background noise to drown out the delirious paint-hater voices in my head while I swung my brush.  I got to catch up on a little Day of Our Lives that way. Things were moving up again.

On a side note, Patti Stanger lost all credibility with me as a matchmaker when she told Nicole that she could trust EJ and that he would make a great husband and father...two seconds after EJ got done sleeping with Sami. Bad call, Patti.

Then things went downhill again when I forgot to tell Viji that the masking tape was there to tape off the top of the white before we started on the brown. No biggie. Easy fix.  <insert three deep breaths into my paper bag> Like the backsplash, it was something that I was overly obsessive about. Viji clearly didn't have the face sweat / dry heave a little reaction to the brown ferociously violating the white spindles like I did.

We made it past.

We even made it past all the brown and all the little touch ups.

We are on the home stretch. The wax coat.

In all honesty, we...I mean I, am not on any stretch at all.  At this moment, I am sitting at my dining room table staring at the computer screen completely unmotivated to drive myself over to the spindles of my demise. To spend hours pulling the old sock back and forth on those decorative banister balls to make them all shiny with their new wax sealer. But I will...hopefully with your help.

I need you.  Whatever spiritual practice you participate in.  If you could send me prayers, energy, light, angels, reiki, love, etc., it will be welcomed with an open heart and an open can of wax.  Want to send me a text about how you are going to shit in someone's trash can? Even better.