Operation Listing: Carpet

Sometimes you don't realize just how repulsive your carpet is until you move everything off of it.  And can gaze upon your chorus of stains all at once.

This is the same carpet we had upon arrival in 2004.  With our new stains now:

It was torn and frayed then too, but we strategically placed furniture in order to pretend it didn't exist.

Then kept pretending for 8 years.

Now we have a full house of Stainmaster Pale Clay carpet compliments of Lowe's and their $97 install promotion.

Before I break down the pricing a bit more, let me share my sophisticated process for picking Pale Clay.

Ready?

It was the cheapest.

The man that came to measure each room had been in the carpet industry for over 30 years. Used to throw a whole roll over my shoulder, but now I'm old and just measure.  He shared that over 50% of the homes that he measures for install are people replacing brand new carpet. It doesn't matter...get the cheapest 'cause I'll just be back here in a couple months to rip it out.

I was still second guessing myself when I got to the store.  Until I found myself next to the carpet pads with a woman picking out carpet for her recently purchased home.  I'm here to replace the new carpet in the house we just got...it's just too gross not knowing what's been done on it!  Let go of the color and just get whatever is cheap so it looks clean. 

Am I the only cheap-ass out there willing to ride out the wear of someone else's carpet expenditure?  Maybe.

Pale Clay wasn't the cheapest though.  To get the $97 deal you had to choose stock carpet on the big rolls in back.  Which meant limited quantities.  I seriously went up the price list.

Um, how about the 54¢ sq ft carpet? Nope, not enough.
The 58¢? No.
The 61¢? Done. Pale Clay it is.

With the help of generous and ripped friends we moved everything we own to the garage.

And Kitchen.

And the upstairs bathroom.

To save hundreds of dollars in furniture moving fees that they would have charged us.

But we did pony up for the $300 tear out and removal fee.

And an additional $728 for the basic-est of carpet pads. 

Bringing the total charge for about 1500 square feet of new carpet for our home at: $2,551.

And you bet your ass I saved 10% by making a post office trip and grabbing a change of address coupon packet.

And in case you are doing the math, there was a $400 fee to install carpet on the wrap around stairs.

Shiza.

All said and done, Pale Clay is proving to be a very handsome roommate. 

Even if it does mean shoes off.  And messy meals in the kitchen...above the sink...with a bib.

Operation Listing: Paint

The tan color that has been on our walls for the past 8 years wasn't atrocious.  Loosely still clinging to the 'neutral' category, I'd say.

But we felt the need to paint for two reasons.

1.  We had two red rooms and one green room.

Oh and...

2. We had previously painted everything ourselves.  

And it was obvious.  Because we are lousy painters.

One of my paint experienced brothers-in-law even told me that it looked like Ray Charles had painted our house.  

He wasn't too far off.

So we committed to $700 plus the $145 for paint to hire a pro. A steal for practically painting the entire house.

I went through 6 different sample quarts to find the perfect creamy shade.  Anthony reminded me graciously that the $5 samples were adding up, but everything was ending up too white. Too light to show a contrast with the white baseboards.

I finally found my match in Frazee's Expression. We put it in every room, except the bathrooms that still had nice paint.

Old color:

New Color:

Clean, warm and fresh.

Blending perfectly with the stains in the carpet.  Which we will address next time.

Tuesdays with Isaac: Blood Sequins

Hola.

This is Isaac.

Today Heidi took me to SAS fabrics in Tempe.

After we got inside, she started getting all judgy about the woman holding the 'Costume Time' sign out front.

Something about "She would bring in more customers if she stood on the curb" and "I know we walked in behind her, but it would have been nice if she turned and greeted us."

I let Heidi go on for about 10 minutes before I told her that it was a mannequin with a motorized lever coming out of the belly that was making the sign move.

Ridiculous.

Then I pretended to be asleep.

Because if I had to hear about 'Poly blends' for one more second, my ears were going to bleed.

Give that woman a head nod, smile or 'oh really' and she will yap about fabric for hours.

But, she caught on and called my bluff with a quick placement of beaded boobie discs.

"Too far Heidi." 

But well played.

When we made it to the register, Heidi leaned over and whispered, "All right, Isaac, use your cuteness and get me a discount on my sequins."

So I slipped one of the four bags down under my car seat into the depths of my stroller.

Heidi thought she dropped one so just paid for three.

And I giddily showed her my loot when we were packing the stroller in the car.

BooYah! Put that shiz in the baby book! My first felony!


*Update from Heidi* I'll sneak the bag back in when I go tomorrow and a pay for it then.

**Update from Isaac** I just jacked a Lexus! Can't. Stop. Stealing.