Tuesday, May 22, 2012

Order Up: In The Black Plates

I met Jackie at a craft bazaar last fall.  A craft bazaar with a $40 registration fee, where I was positioned only feet away from the gourmet coffee hut, with the church lady baked good table in between.  You could say that I was destined to lose money that day.

Jackie endured my cheesy sales pitch "Get a head start on Christmas gifts...these items are food safe ...sealed and cured...recommend hand wash...look it's a Santaur!"

When she told me that she was interested in having me paint the two maroon plates perched on her kitchen wall and took my business card, I assumed she was executing the ol' 'ego stroke and bolt'. A classic craft fair getaway technique.  No worries, I had a church-lady-made pumpkin scone (or two) with my name on it.

My sales total was $40 that day.  The only thing I took home (besides unsold product) was the crumbs of a scone and some cranberry bread that had managed to work past the modest neckline of my sweater to sit all itchily in my brassiere.  That usually only happens with movie theater popcorn, but I guess it is just anything that I eat aggressively.

A few weeks later, Jackie emailed me pictures.  She wanted something decorative on her plates that coordinated with her valances.  And I wanted a magic pill that melted away my holiday pounds.

One of us was in luck.

I sent several different idea sheets to Jackie to narrow down the style and held the paint flip book up to her valances to choose colors.  She lives just down the road so it was consultation convenience at it's best.

After painting began, Jen came over and asked to see the valance picture.
Me:  What do you think? I think the design will look nice.
Jen: You should have offered to make her new valances first.
I wish she were in charge of my sales department instead of me.

I should give myself more credit.  With this project complete, I am finally in the black for that fall craft bazaar.

Yes, even after the coffee and church lady treats.

I wonder how much the church ladies made that day?  It had to be ridiculous.  Like Spanx sales in the beginning of December.  I don't know last fall's going rate for the crack they put in those scones, but I like to imagine that the snifter glasses weren't shy on the brandy at the Ladies Aid meeting the following Thursday.  They tell me it is the only appropriate chaser for Gertrude's 'Better Than Sex Cake'... unless Clarice brings her Virginia Slims. Then that works too.

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