Isaac's Crib: Smart Art

The 18-year lease on Isaac's crib starts in just a few days, so I've worked hard recently to add in the finishing touches.

I took the room decorations seriously.  He isn't a kid that just gets a random cutesy elephant picture.  No. The names that Jen and Jeff tossed around for him were Isaac, Tesla, Nikola, Newton.  You know, just the greatest scientist and engineer ever.

My design solution was clear - Nursery Smart Art.  Starting with my version of Baby Newton's Apple that I created in Photoshop.

On the opposite wall is the Smart Art collage.

One is the formula for Newton's Law of Gravity.  (that I saw on a T-shirt and had to learn more about from Wikipedia)

Another is his Team Tesla poster.  (two minute you tube history of Tesla)

And finally the color prism.  What? Of course I did not know that Isaac Newton was the one that demonstrated that light already contained colors.

I didn't know most of this when I started.  Isaac is already making me smarter.  

The Ikea dog butt hooks count as smart art because they are creative genius.

The blank frame is for an enlarged copy of his Sophisticated Gentleman birth announcement.  I will show you that down the road.

And the green V book shelves are from Ikea too.

Here is a closer look at the Smart Art images.

Now, who is with me on Team Tesla?

DIViji: Living Room

Aside from a few small projects that we might tackle down the road, my work at Viji's is done.  

So many lessons.

Such little time.

So much spray paint.

Let me start walking you through the transformation.

Viji's Living Room BEFORE:

Viji's Living Room AFTER:

That's right, Coco Dreamland.

It is now regal, inviting and fit for belly dancing soirees.

Seriously.  I was there when the belly dancer balanced the sword on her bazongas. The room beckoned her.

Besides the new chocolate walls and a few accoutrements, the significant changes in the room were:

~ A few coats of gold spray paint to Viji's old wood coffee table and end tables.

~ A new area rug from Home Depot


~ A new DIY accent chair


~ New curtains


~ Redone lamps

Here is one of the lamps BEFORE:

And with some spray paint, hand painted gold detail, spray acrylic and a new shade, here it is AFTER:

A few weeks after we finished the lamps, I received my Jonathan Adler email newsletter featuring his new electra lamp for $345.  

I know right?!  He totally made a knock off!

Oh well, somebody needs to set the trends and it might as well be Viji and I.

~ And the last change:  The piano was moved to a different room.

Not by me.  Although, I did call Jen to come over after school and help me lift the piano up the two steps out of the living room area and wheel it over to its new home.

That day's lessons?

Pianos are heavy.

And my copay for the chiropractor is $15.

Isaac's Crib: A Place To Chill

Finally.  Isaac has a place that he can relax and put his feet up after a long night in the Talk Stick Casino poker room. 

Maybe listening to his Baby Queen CD.  Perhaps having a nightcap.

Always enjoying the sophistication of his solid wood, contemporary parlor chair.

I wish that I could tell you that I whipped up that chair last weekend.  But the truth is that Isaac's dad, Jeff, constructed it back in high school.

The chair is in impeccable condition.  The cushion that has been on it for the past 15 years?  Not so much.  We bought a foam piece and coordinating fabric and constructed a new removable cushion cover.

I was so proud of myself for perfectly lining up the fabrics for the front of the cushion.  I/m serious, my headband was cutting off circulation from pride swelling.

It should have dawned on me that something was off with my gloat parade when there were no kids lining the streets to catch candy.

Just five minutes after my triumphant fist pump routine, I realized that I had looked at the measurements incorrectly.  The width was really the length and I had put the zipper on the side and the new front was as far off as I could have gotten it.

Normally, I would take it apart and fix the error of my ways.

Jen said that she would punch me if I did because it wasn't visible anyway.

I left it.  And I wasn't fired.

There were quilt pieces leftover, so I put them together as a back pillow for the chair.

Or a head pillow - if Isaac decides that he just doesn't have it in him to go to his crib and calls it quits in his throne.

Tutorial I followed for sewing a box cushion cover:  Design Sponge  --- except that I put the zipper corner to corner instead of wrapping it around.

Isaac's Crib: Bachelor Pad Curtains

Isaac isn't even out of the womb yet, and he has already let his crib turn into a frat boy bachelor pad.  Bottles everywhere - clothes all over the floor - enough white powder to send him to the clink for 80 to life.  I'm pretty sure I saw a hooker climbing out of his window as we walked in, but I'm not 100% so I am letting it go.

In all honesty, the people to blame for the room disaster are the parents of the students in Jen's third grade class.  It was recently teacher appreciation week, and instead of doing the typical flowers, snacks, candy, etc., they decided to make a baby themed week of gifts for her.

Diaper Monday

Tub Tuesday - bath supplies, wash clothes, towels

Wipe Wednesday - baby wipes

Thoughtful Thursday - baby clothes, books, treats for Jen

Their generosity was ridiculous.

So ridiculous that I had to climb over their mountains of benevolence just to get the damn curtains I made hung up.

Then I shoved everything to one side of the room so I could get a clean picture to show the curtain addition. 

That's how the legit bloggers roll.  Shoving.  Any beauty emanating from the creation in the lens needs to be balanced by piled tension behind the camera.  

This is a closer look at the curtain fabric that matches the wall stripes and is accented in his crib quilt.  Isaac will have a keen sense of complimentary colors and fabric balance.  I'll make sure of it.

I put in blackout fabric for the lining, because when I babysit and want to pass out on that plush orange rug, the only thing that better wake me up is the chills from my blood alcohol level dipping too low.

And just so you can sleep comfortably tonight, we did get that mountain of generosity all organized and put away before I left.  But that's it for me.  Once Isaac shows up in about a month the room cleaning is all up to him.  And the next lady of the night I see trying to sneak out of his room is in for it. There will be a Heidi chase down...so I can give her a business card for any inappropriate attire she might need.

Order Up: In The Black Plates

I met Jackie at a craft bazaar last fall.  A craft bazaar with a $40 registration fee, where I was positioned only feet away from the gourmet coffee hut, with the church lady baked good table in between.  You could say that I was destined to lose money that day.

Jackie endured my cheesy sales pitch "Get a head start on Christmas gifts...these items are food safe ...sealed and cured...recommend hand wash...look it's a Santaur!"

When she told me that she was interested in having me paint the two maroon plates perched on her kitchen wall and took my business card, I assumed she was executing the ol' 'ego stroke and bolt'. A classic craft fair getaway technique.  No worries, I had a church-lady-made pumpkin scone (or two) with my name on it.

My sales total was $40 that day.  The only thing I took home (besides unsold product) was the crumbs of a scone and some cranberry bread that had managed to work past the modest neckline of my sweater to sit all itchily in my brassiere.  That usually only happens with movie theater popcorn, but I guess it is just anything that I eat aggressively.

A few weeks later, Jackie emailed me pictures.  She wanted something decorative on her plates that coordinated with her valances.  And I wanted a magic pill that melted away my holiday pounds.

One of us was in luck.

I sent several different idea sheets to Jackie to narrow down the style and held the paint flip book up to her valances to choose colors.  She lives just down the road so it was consultation convenience at it's best.

After painting began, Jen came over and asked to see the valance picture.

Me:  What do you think? I think the design will look nice.
Jen: You should have offered to make her new valances first.

I wish she were in charge of my sales department instead of me.

I should give myself more credit.  With this project complete, I am finally in the black for that fall craft bazaar.

Yes, even after the coffee and church lady treats.

I wonder how much the church ladies made that day?  It had to be ridiculous.  Like Spanx sales in the beginning of December.  I don't know last fall's going rate for the crack they put in those scones, but I like to imagine that the snifter glasses weren't shy on the brandy at the Ladies Aid meeting the following Thursday.  They tell me it is the only appropriate chaser for Gertrude's 'Better Than Sex Cake'... unless Clarice brings her Virginia Slims. Then that works too.

School Days: When Life Gives You Lemons

When life gives you lemons...

Water down the juice and sell your sour pucker cups to elementary school parents under the ruse of 'donating the money to charity.'

Wait.  That's a college lesson. The third graders at my favorite elementary school actually followed through with the donation.

The fundraiser was started by last year's batch of budding nine-year-olds.  Spring for them meant learning about business.  Business costs, supply and demand, advertising, sales pitches.  All the fundamentals paralleled with reading the action packed novela The Lemonade Wars.  It was all just another random lesson until the day before spring break 2011. That day one of their sixth grade friends died in the hallway from an ongoing heart condition. During their sadness and hurt, and with the help of their teachers, they decided to start their own businesses for an upcoming school event to raise money for the Phoenix Children's Hospital.  A place routinely frequented by their sixth grade buddy.

Each third grade class picked a business.

Lemonade Stand
Manicure Station
Candygrams
Tattoos

Sort of a One-Stop-Salon-Shop if you will.

The business hours were set for 'Celebrate Learning Night' when every grade level would be lovingly leading/dragging their parents through the hallways.

Jen asked last year's kids to come up with as many advertising ideas as they could.

Sign spinning. Great.
Commercials for the school news. Let's do it.
Ask Ms. Heidi to sew us a lemon costume like that pizza guy that stands on the corner by Slices. Um, I'll ask.

Of course she knew I would say 'yes.'  She was just being polite.

Just like I said yes when this year's class needed lemontastic T-shirt iron-ons with their snappy slogan.

The four classes together raised $740 last Thursday night.

And I delightedly watched 22 mini entrepreneurs work a lemon costume with more ferocity than the Suns Gorilla on crack.  If I was a fightin' girl I would have driven the lemon above down to the corner by Slices and had her tell the Pizza costume, "You better call Pizza Hut, because you just got pizowned!"

Let's be real.  The only thing that stopped me from making that drive was the fear of kidnapping charges.

Some of the success of the night could be credited to Isaac's belly advertising too.  I hope that he has as much heart and generosity as those third graders.  And I hope he likes costumes because it is out of his hands until he can utter the words, "Please Ms. Heidi, I don't want to wear the Mr. T headpiece anymore."

He's Too Classy For This Shower

It's {more than} a boy...

It's a Sophisticated Gentleman.

Bow ties and mustaches are all the rage these days, so when it was time to start planning a co-ed shower for Jen and Jeff we threw a top hat in with the bows and mos and labeled the theme Sophisticated Gentleman.  And by "we" I mean three of Jen and Jeff's classiest friends...and then me.

The rules from Jen were simple: fun, people drinking, and I wasn't allowed to go over the top.

You read that correctly.  There is no 'we' in that 'I.'

The message was specific, "Don't let Heidi go over the top."

Is it over the top to have little bow ties plastered on all the drink options?

No way.

Over the top to sprinkle the decor with a few of the couples baby photos?

Since I used frames from my wall at home, this is a clear No.

Over the top to make cupcake pinwheels and cut out a few Special K bars into mustache shapes?

Well, depending on the pers...Naaah, we're still good.

Over the top to make custom baby game card sheets?

Yes, you're right.  I completely ignored Jen's last rule.

Not only that, but we played the least classy shower game of them all.  I tried to put lipstick on the pig by calling it 'Name That Bum Loaf' instead of 'The dirty diaper candy bar game' but its nasty with any name.

At least competition was fierce.  Most of the guys hadn't played before and were so very intrigued.  One even took a lick down the middle of his diaper.

Um, you know those get passed around right?

Disgustingly fantastic.

We also did the Name that Tune with the word baby in it, but called it 'Name That Grinder.'  I felt like that title lent itself to more of a club atmosphere.  You could even earn extra points for dancing inappropriately in front of the group.

The winning team took home CDs with the full versions of all the songs.

Those lucky bastards.

The games wrapped up with a baby bottle beer chugging contest. And more prizes.

What a sight to see.  I hope that it is introduced at the London Olympics.

In the end, Jen was happy, Jeff was happy and the bow tied tequila was empty, so the rest of us were happy.

And yes, the diaper cake was full of booze too.  Just like Leah's. I will never make one without it again.

Wait, what?  You're confused because beer chugging and licking out diapers isn't something a sophisticated gentleman would do?  Hold up.  I said HE is going to be sophisticated. Not WE.

His chance of awesomeness is irrefutable with these parents.

 Maybe with a little uncouth in him just from knowing me.

Isaac's Crib: He Got Quilted and Rugged

Back at Isaac's Crib we've been working on his new baby blanket.  A baby rag quilt.  A stylish chap needs something snappy on the bed for when he entertains, right?

Jen picked out a smorgasbord of seven different fabrics that we rotary cut into 6 inch squares. Then, laid them out into various patterns before choosing something chevronish.

Jen's sister, Kristin, was visiting and went right to work sewing most of the squares together following the instructions from Jubilee Homespun.  She did a great job and I rediscovered one of my favorite creative activities: sitting back with a cold drink and telling someone else what to do.  So fun.

After the panels were all sewn together it looked like a hot mess.  That's normal.  Jen took it home and did all the snip snipping on the raw edges.  That's the hardest part.

What?  Yeah, you're right.  I really didn't do much.  But, it was still exhausting being the slave driver.

Instead of using cotton quilt fabric for both sides, we used Minky Cuddle polyester fabric for the back.  We knew it really wouldn't fray, but Jen liked the look of the little tabs too and wanted something uber soft for the back. Isaac is going to be a snuggler.  We just know it.

While I was finishing up the painted stripes on the wall weeks ago, Jen ordered a new area rug for the room from Rugs USA.  At just over $100 for a 5' x 8' rug, it was the right price.  At just a shade under construction caution orange via the internet, it was a risk.

She waited to unroll it until I came over with the quilt.  It's a match, but might actually be a smidge closer to the caution orange than one shade.  It is fun and made the cut to stay.

In this case, it won't be caution, construction zone. It will be:

Caution, Cutie McCharmer zone. You won't be able to say no.