Girl You Look Good When You Back That Glass Up

Yesterday was my birthday. What? Bless you for saying 26, but it is 32. It must be my new moisturizer.

I decided to treat myself to a session at As You Wish (the pottery painting place) to celebrate because there was a one day half-off deal in Phoenix.

The deal was for fused glass.

I had no idea they did glass.

I was excited in a this is fantastic but I could seriously slit my wrists if I'm not careful kind of way.

photos from As You Wish

They had gloves and goggles and a safety speech so I didn't have anything to worry about once I got started.

I still managed to cut the end of my finger though. I shoved it back into the thick rubbery glove quick so no one would notice. You know, so the blood could pool in the glove fingertip. Don't run to me in an emergency.

I made the square above to match some flecked mouth blown glasses that I have. They are going to melt it a second time to turn it into a bowl. I'm kind of hoping for a glass miracle when it is done on Saturday. I will keep you posted.

With my leftover glass shards I tried my hand at some pendants.

Why yes, that is a face pendant with doubled red glass for lip injections. Thank you for noticing.

Even without knowing how my items turned out, I really want to go back again. Too many fun ideas, so much shininess, and not enough time.

I should have gotten Charlotte's number. She was there painting a clay mermaid for her bedroom. Her favorite color is orange, but she felt like she needed to work in mostly green and blues to keep it realistic and use the orange as an accent.

There was a real chance we could have worked as BFFs. As I shoved my credit card into its worn slot and was turning to leave she looked at her paint job and let out a big sigh that transitioned seamlessly into a lip quiver, "It...it just...I did...it looks so messy." Quiver transitions into tears.

I felt her pain deep in my heart. The uncertainty and chancy permanence of the pottery place. I said a little prayer that she could learn now, at 8, to have faith in the process and her skills. Faith, so that when she's 32 that pottery trepidation doesn't send her swirling into a second birthday cupcake to comfort her fears.

Oscar Mash Up 2012

Here is my pick for Best Dressed from the Oscars last night:

Jessica Chastain from The Help in Alexander McQueen.

So regal and beautiful. She walked away and I was begging to see more. The embroidery and gathering are impeccable and I can't imagine the amount of time that went into making this masterpiece, let alone the time that went into making it look so flawless on her.

I know, I know. Not red and no sequins. Shocking.

That was my favorite overall look.

Here is my Oscar Mash Up 2012 -- my favorite components mashed together for one look.

The plunging neckline, arm exposing long sleeves and perfect bosom from Jennifer Lopez.

Made instead out of...

the fiery sequin textile from Ellie Kemper's gown.

Combined with...

the effortless skirt flow and innocent youthful glow of Emma Stone.

Accentuated by the...

glimmering jewels and steeled arms of Natalie Portman.

And of course...

Stacy Keibler's arm candy.

Yes. Now, that is more my predictable style.

Wait.

What the heck.

Let's throw in some vampy Angelina Jolie leg just for fun.

Done.

This dress will be mine someday. Just as soon as I have enough money saved up to buy myself J Lo's decolletage.

Photos from People

Wicked Amount of Sequins

We've already established that I love red, houseguests, sequins and cupcakes. 

Add to that list Wicked: The Musical.

So, when I said the other day that there was a 'Witch Conference' last Saturday, what I meant was that three of my best bwitches came over and we hung out before driving to ASU for one of the best shows on Earth.

The original plan was for us to nosh quick and go to the show together. Plans changed after I sent Jill a text before boarding her flight on Friday night asking, "People are coming here to eat b4 the show. How do you feel about throwing together a quick Oz/Wicked party when you get here?"

She said, "Yes!" And Saturday morning she began delicately putting double stick tape around my white candles then rolling them in black glitter to make them witch tight striped.

Wait, let me back track.  Jill started that glitter candle process after I woke her up with the humm-hummmmida of my sewing machine. When you stay at my house, know that once 9:00 AM hits, I stop caring about your sleep needs and start to get stitchy. Our Wicked Witch of the East legs weren't going to sew themselves.

We plugged the glitter candles into the old Target candelabra that I spray painted green last Christmas. I might even leave it out for good now because I am obsessed with Jill's stripey precision.

Next we shoved the legs into place near the front door. 

The leg idea came from photos at the Crafty Lady blog. I loosely followed her tutorial, but with more red sequin...of course. 

Jill chalked in the yellow brick road. Yep, crawling along on her hands and knees outside my house to draw out the perfect bricks. She thought that when I brought out a damp cloth that it was for her--to cool herself from the heat of the day and wipe the sweat from her brow.  Nope. It was to wipe up that crazy yellow chalk brick that was doing its own thing and start over.

When she finished with that I made her put the embellishments on our wooden 'brick road' sign.

No. This is not the story of Cinderella? Why would you ask that?

By this point guests were set to arrive in about ten minutes. We still hadn't even showered. A quick face wash and hair slick weren't going to cut it. I was about 12 hours overdue for a deodorant touch up and was pretty sure that the workload and my pungent stench were going to keep Jill from ever wanting to visit again.

I threw together the green punch components in my trifle bowl -- lime sherbet, 7-Up and limeade concentrate. It was a hot mess. Knowing that I didn't have time to stir it and make it look pretty, I shoved the little foam witch hat we had made down onto the iceberg of sherbet that was sticking out of the top. Melting witch is supposed to be a hot mess, right? I became OK with it.

Five minutes left.

Crap. We still hadn't made those cute little witch leg cupcakes we saw on Pinterest. I made a two minute version. Stop judging me.

After I bolted out of the shower, greased my hair back, and was zipping up my dress, I heard Mr. Schatze entertaining our guests. Martha would throw up at my poor time management and lack of pulled togetherness. Oh well.

I threw a bow tie on Roldy quick and hoped that Jill had switched out the appetizers and stirred the meatballs.

She had.

Sigh of relief. The party was started. We could all drink and be merry. Merry, except for Jill who continually worked hard to make sure that the appetizers were hot and delicious.

Before the show I snuck off to my bedroom to put together the witch gift bags for my girls. They each got a CD of Wicked: The Musical, a sparkler wand and gifts from the wizard.

Do you get it? The wizard gifts?

Heart: A glittery heart notepad

Courage: A small bottle of liquid courage

Brains: A magazine. Hey, in my book, if you read it, then it counts as learnin.
 

Now it is over --a week later-- and I am left with only the lyrics of Defying Gravity on repeat in my head, witch legs sticking out from under the buffet, and an empty guest room. If I was a Saddy Sadderton, I think that I would lay on the couch and drown my sorrows in a giant glass of green punch with vodka. Since I'm not, I will be grateful today that I know you -- because I truly do believe that I have been changed for the better.

Oh, and then I'll take a minute to be grateful that Jill worked so hard to get this Wicked party thrown together. Just one though.

Genius: Wittner Fabrice

I felt really good about my sparkler wand light photography - until last night. 

Last night, when I came across Wittner Fabrice and his series of photographs using painted light shaped with clarity from his own cut out stencils.

Genius.

His first series was Enlightened Souls. His way of showing support for the Canterbury, New Zealand community after their earthquake last February. He wanted to showcase their courage and strength as they rebuilt.

Genius AND Magnanimous.

OK, I still feel good about my first sparkler shots. But, next time, there will be a serious moment of reflection to ponder, "What would Wittner do?"

Via: Dude Craft

You Look Wanderful Tonight

You will be happy to know that my new magic wand came in. 

And fortunately Jill, the good witch of the North, is here to visit and teach me how to keep this 50-lightening bug powered-wand-cannon under control.  

I was hoping that her training class could also include Witch Leah from the East and Witch Jen from the South, but we ran out of time at our conference last Saturday because the traffic on the yellow brick road was a beast. Use proper hand signals on your broomsticks, people!

I'll give you more details on the witch conference soon.

But, right now, I'll give you the link for the camera settings from A Little Sussy, that I used to to capture wand class.

And I'll give Mr. Schatze a heads up about how amped up I am for the 4th of July this year. Wicked amped.

Be My Guest

I love having house guests.  Friends, family, friends of family friends---love it.

I lay in bed restlessly the night before a guest's arrival wondering if her favorite soda is still Squirt, if she will notice the spritz of lavender oil that I put on the bed sheets, wondering what we should have for breakfast the first day, hoping that Roldy won't pee on any of her baggage.

Excited to the point of delirium.

Comfort is important, so I do all of the standard pleasantries that you read about for hosting:

~ Magazines by the bed, to include a local guide, and a candle that won't fight with a lavender spritz here or there.

~ A bottle of water with an Ann Taintor coaster.

~ Photos of fun times in the past accented with a bowl of chocolates.

These are normal preparations.

I should just stop there.

But, I don't. Didn't:

~ The pile on the fluffy bathroom rugs welcomes hand brushed messages. Why not? I put a heart on the one by the toilet.

~ Thanks to Pinterest, I have been introduced to toilet paper origami. While it was more time on the toilet than I like to spend in a day, the pleated tuck is much more welcoming than a folded point. Worth it. I might just force Jill into drinking a jug of water the second she gets off the plane.

~ And I couldn't resist positioning the fake, rotating video camera with the blinky red light behind the guest bedroom curtains.  Best $4.99 at Harbor Freight I've ever spent.  It's not creepy, right?

Now I just have to wait for her to get here. 

Maybe I will start planning out the bed and breakfast that I want to have some day.  Oh goodness, no. I couldn't have it be your run of the mill B&B.  You see, what I'm going to do is wait for the reservation to come in. Then, start stalking them.  Dig up some old photos from their home town high school yearbooks to display in the room. Find their grandmom's coffee cake recipe from the old church recipe book, and serve it that first morning. Perhaps even learn some family history on ancestry.com and leave a list of people they didn't know they were related to on a notepad beside the bed.

I can see it now.

Dear Bruce & Debby, 

Just wanted to let you know that all those years that Bruce thought his dad was out of town for conferences, he was really in Phoenix starting a second family.  You have a brother, two sisters and ten nieces and nephews...and they live just down the street! 

Breakfast (Debby's grandma's bacon egg bake) will be served promptly at 8:30. I have taken the liberty of switching it to turkey bacon because of Bruce's drastically high cholesterol levels at his last physical.  Are you feeding him lard for a bedtime snack, Debby? Shiza. 

Thank you again for staying at Heidi's In Your Business B&B. 

You're welcome.
Heidi 

P.S. Bruce's new-to-him brother, Eddie, will be at breakfast along with his two teenage daughters, one of whom needs a new kidney. You might as well go ahead and donate one Bruce since you are about one flight of stairs away from a triple bypass anyway. What's the worst that could happen? You die and then stop holding Debby back from her dreams? She has been wanting to start that bakery for 15 years now, and if you can't be supportive, then maybe your life insurance check will be.  

P.P.S. I know it is hard to see, but your toilet paper origami is in the shape of a defibrillator. 

Sippers & Skimmers

...For when you want to coordinate what's going to your head with what is already there.

When I can afford to be perching a Philip Treacy hat atop my dome, then you can bet your ass that the blood orange wedge on my cocktail will be direct from the tree in Sicily. Carried the five steps by a bronzed Antonio, of course.

Links: Blood Red Zombie Punch & Philip Treacy

Valiumtine's Day

Happy Valentine's Day!

It is a big Valentine's Day in Arizona.  AZ celebrates 100 years of statehood today.  Apparently that means that our climate gets to take a day off and we are stuck with clouds, cold and drips.  It fits in well with the plans for take-out and movie watching at home with Mr. Schatze, so I won't complain.  

I hope it is a whimsical day for Joni, who won my NKOTB heart stand giveaway.  I'm going to fantasize that she is eating off of it for every meal today.  Cereal, juju hearts, the kid's leftover hot dogs--whatever trips her fancy.

Consolation prizes went out to the other giveaway entrants.  They each got a pack of NKOTB Valentine's to share with their friends and loved ones.

It made me so happy that people entered. So, so happy.

I failed to get anything in the mail for my family this year, so I hope that my sisters will accept these virtual sentiments that reflect my love for them.

I hope they can pick out which one is for whom.

Enjoy the day of love my friends.

D to the I...Distraction

My new favorite distraction is Dear Blank Please Blank.

Anyone can submit a Dear Blank letter (phrased like the one above), then everyone gets to rate them. Judge them. Laugh. Grimace. etc.

You can even purchase some of the best submissions from the Sapling Press Etsy shop. Love.

Thanks Bored Panda for turning me on to these...and making sure that my day is a little less productive. Or maybe a lot.